Ambience Engineer: #2 – Post-Apocalyptic Motorcycle Raid

We live in banal times. You may deny this, but you would be wrong, and stupid, to do so.

Today the dribbling masses are entertained in increasingly inane ways by increasingly moronic individuals. Pursuit of the Arcane has been abandoned in favour of the pursuit of superficial and meaningless fame, despite the fact that we are still largely ignorant to the true nature of the Cosmos and the muted whistling of star-bound chimaeras. Terrible, ultimate Knowledge lies within our grasp, but our hands have grown withered and closed, and – to continue the analogy – several of the tendons of our arms have actually snapped (i.e. making it even more difficult to grasp at our full extent).

The Young wield lipsticks and copies of “Nuts” magazine, where once they wielded telescopes and the Scouting manuals of Baden-Powell. The Old comment with ribald derision on the “packages” of tight-trousered celebrities, where once they spoke of the mystical encounters of their youth betwixt mulberry bushes, deep in fairy-ridden copses. Valiant warriors are a thing of a past; replaced have they been by heavily-armed delinquent simpletons, careering around Arab lands in mucky Jeeps on the lookout for heavily-chested desert maidens.

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A big Fish in an overpopulated pond: when Johnny went to London

Several months ago I made the decision to travel to London for a couple of days.

The primary reason for the trip was that I wanted to catch the London leg of Rush’s Time Machine Tour, which was scheduled to take place in the 02 Arena on 25th May.  The secondary reason related to a nuanced sociological research experiment I planned to undertake (which later came to be referred to – somewhat colloquially – as a “Cockney Hunt”).

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Ambience Engineer: #1 – Futuristic Consumerist Dystopia

We live in banal times. You may deny this, but you would be wrong, and stupid, to do so.

Today the dribbling masses are entertained in increasingly inane ways by increasingly moronic individuals. Pursuit of the Arcane has been abandoned in favour of the pursuit of superficial and meaningless fame, despite the fact that we are still largely ignorant to the true nature of the Cosmos and the muted whistling of star-bound chimaeras. Terrible, ultimate Knowledge lies within our grasp, but our hands have grown withered and closed, and – to continue the analogy – several of the tendons of our arms have actually snapped (i.e. making it even more difficult to grasp at our full extent).

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Wizard Rock

Somebody suggested to me recently that J Mascis is in fact Saruman.

I of course laughed at such a ridiculous concept, and berated them for their utter stupidity. “Sure, J’s got long white hair”, said I, “But he’s an American grunge pioneer, not an immortal sorcerer from the Land of the Valar! Where is his staff? Show me his cloak! You are a total idiot, mum.”

But later that night I confess my mind returned to the matter. I was working into the small hours on my seminal Tolkien musical suite, The Seven Sons of Fëanor, when the comment resurfaced in my thoughts, like a stealthy Russian Shark-class nuclear sub, unseen until it breaks the waves.

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Musings on Coolness

When faced with the question “Who is the Coolest Person on Earth?”, those encumbered with infirm opinions usually take several minutes to answer, stammering incoherently in pursuit of a decision. When they finally get round to evincing their (wrong) opinion, the questioner has normally wandered off due to boredom.

Conversely, those of us equipped with robust opinions and a staunchly decisive personality fire back an unshakable answer to this question with such intense swiftness that the questioner is often stunned, usually wincing with the realisation that they have found themselves in the embarrassing position of having had insufficient time to prepare a follow-up question.

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